Fear not loyal fans! Getting Laid has returned, and yes, the celebration orgy will commence shortly. Go ahead and disrobe now to save time if you wish, but first, let me tell you a tale of the past week and why our site has been dormant.
Thankfully some kind stranger decided to feed the generator, but they didn’t clean the cage
It all started last Tuesday when the all knowing ownership of ARC Online (they really are great people, just, well, you’ll see) informed the staff of Getting Laid that they will be participating in a team building exercise. We were all instructed to bring one item of our choice and meet in the lobby.
Let’s just say we wouldn’t have to fear a shortage of dildos or penis pumps
I’m not sure what happened next, but we woke up (sex toys safely in hand) out in the country with a note that we were to work together to find our way back.
Now, a couple of writers, a website designer, a graphic artist, and an editor are not the ideal makeup for a team to survive in the wilderness, but we decided to make the best of a bad situation. After an hour or so of crying, we wiped the tears out of our eyes and started walking. Before long we found habitation in the form of a barn, and although the sun said it was still morning, we decided we better not risk continuing on for risk of not finding another shelter before dark.
Tomorrow morning we’ll try and get that car running
Taking stock of our inventory we found no one had brought anything editable or that could help us get home. Even Dave who always has his smartphone and goes on and on about how superior Lyft is to Uber, choose to bring a pack of condoms rather than the device that could hail us a ride home with a push of a button. Of course, since we are all disguised by Dave’s smell, he won’t be needing those rubbers on this trip.
It ain’t happening Dave, especially while I have my dildo on this trip
Informing him of this fact breaks his heart, but allows us to convince him to let us use the condoms to carry water from a pond behind the barn. The water doesn’t seem too potable, but it beats the cans of PBR we find in the barn.
Hipsters only drink it because subconsciously they want to end their life | Image source: http://pabstblueribbon.com/
Drinking the water must have caused us to pass out because we woke up in the hospital with the doctor explaining Dave’s death the an exec from ARC. Apparently he was so distraught over the condom incident that he drank all the PBR we had found. The doctor assured us his liver exploded before he tasted the briny swill, but I’m not sure how that’s possible.
Anyway, we all recovered from the poisoned water and were given a nice bonus after signing a waiver not to sue the company. And the moral of the story is:
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